Updated: Aug 1
How to reprogram our hearts from conditional love into unconditional love
The ability to create a harmonious relationship with the new generation and guiding them from love, comes first and foremostly from our own ability to reflect upon and show them what love is. Children are learning from our behavior, from how we act, and from how we lead. They have an intuitive understanding of our lifeforce, the flow that guides us through life. What we need to be aware of as parents, is to support our children’s lifeforce to be the steering wheel of their life rather than “programming them” into believing that an external life force (such as our own) is controlling their life.
In my years as a parent, I found it difficult sometimes to be aware of my own ability to love, simply because love is limitless and therefore I never knew when it was “enough”. That is, if love can ever be enough? It’s easy as a parent to allow conditional behavior and “rules” created by mind (and often fear) to be the driving force in the upbringing of our children, simply because we want to “raise them well”.
Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you allowed conditional behavior to enter the relationship with your child? The best way to solve the situation quickly, is simply to allow love to heal the situation.
By describing two scenarios underneath, I wish to give you tools for inspiration on how you can allow love to enter your relationship with your children, and how you can be present in unconditional love.
THE SITUATIONS; STRESS & CONFLICT -AND HOW TO RESOLVE THEM: STRESS In a certain situation when you and your child is at distress (for any given situation), you are no longer practicing unconditional love, because you go into “worry mood”, or even worse “controlling mood”, trying to control the situation into be resolved as quickly as possible and in a certain way. Stress is often described as triggering cortisol, known as the stress hormone that triggers the release of glucose into the bloodstream that help the person “fight-or-flight”. That is a similar pattern many falls into while raising children, doing so either by ‘punishing’ (sending them away), or escalating the situation by going into an argument (“fighting”). CONFLICT Disagreements between parents and children always happens, the question is whether or not these conflicts are driving us (parents) further away from our children, or if they are viewed upon as an opportunity to grow and thrive, by learning about our differences, boundaries and reactions. Any arising conflict has the same answer; #Love. By implementing affirmations or a simple word of wisdom as soon as you see the situation escalating, you can reprogram your mind into shifting from fear into gratitude, by simply remembering your own wisdom of heart.
THE ANSWER: SURRENDER INTO LOVE Sit with your child and try (after your best ability) to silence the mind. Hold hands and breath slowly. Allow your breathing to be in harmony, so that your hearts connect. When you do so, you are energetically connected from love. Afterwards, close your eyes and visualize (“imagine”) that you and your child are at peace. By visualizing that you are both happy in a place where you have good memories, you will allow Love to heal the situation.
THE ANSWER: TAKE A “TIME OUT” (FOR YOURSELF) When you understand that you are on the edge and that the current situation may escalate, take a time-out. Do not give a time-out to the child, as that may increase the stress factor (as described above). Instead, take a time-out yourself and give yourself the opportunity to feel present in love, before going back into the situation with your child. You can reflect upon love as the driving force for all life, by giving your power towards love in the situation (rather than towards fear). You may ask yourself; is this a matter of conflict of mind & heart? In order to heal any situation, we must first remember that love is the source, then allowing our love to happen by giving our power, attention and actions to love. Its only possible to heal any situation from love by re-remembering that love exists.
The dysfunctional behavior in human relationships on earth creates a vibe of self- centeredness, competition and fear. These are emotions that we as parents can change collectively, starting with ourselves. We can show the new generation that love is safe, by validating our own intuition.
Our intuition is our steering map in a landscape of chaotic emotions, and we can only move through that landscape with love.
Many studies have shown that “warmth in the parent-child relationship is related to positive outcomes for children”, according to long term studies by child trends (org. 1997). I believe that all parents do love unconditionally, but I also believe that society may trigger us to adapt in an ‘unloving way’ of raising children when we follow the indoctrinations and rules of; “how”, “should” and “can’t”.
At this time, we may be “in danger” of suppressing our intuition on behalf of an external force called society. Doing the exact thing that we want to steer our children away from. By focusing upon our intuition though, where our hearts connect, we can find the truth in any given situation.
After all, how can we justify teaching the new generation about conditional love – when (unconditional) LOVE is all there is?
— Published in Thrive Global on August 23, 2018 https://thriveglobal.com/authors/linn-kristin-angell/